On Silence and Speech

I suffer from depression.  I have for years.  But the difference between then and now is that now I'm actually doing something about it.

Part of my problem is a vitamin D deficiency (normal is 25 and up...my number was 9).  Vitamin D deficiency is linked to depression.  I've been taking special vitamins for this for three weeks now and feel SO much better. 

The other part of my problem is that for a long time I didn't want to talk about depression. I didn't want to acknowledge that I had an issue.  I thought that if I ignored it, it would just go away.  But it didn't. It got worse.  Until the day that I didn't want to get out of bed, didn't want to talk to Chris, didn't want to play with Eleanor. I just wanted to hide away from everyone and everything.  That day, I knew I needed to break the silence and get help. 

I was ashamed the first time I walked into the mental health clinic.  I felt like I was walking in there with a scarlet D on my forehead.  

But then I remembered the story about the man who stood on the roof of his house as flood waters rose praying that God would rescue him.  Four times help was offered, but he refused because he thought that God himself would rescue him.  In fact, God had come to help the man...but in the form of a car, a canoe, a motorboat, and a helicopter.  But he refused to see God in the faces of his rescuers.  

That afternoon, I was determined not to be like the man in that story.  And God answered my prayers for help, in the form of the psychiatrist, the nurse, and the social workers with whom I have worked.  I am healthier and happier because God has come to my rescue through these women.  

The hardest part of this journey was breaking the silence and speaking out...saying the one thing that is often a four letter work (in the negative sense) "help" and looking for God to answer my prayers through the people who she has gifted to help people in their time of need.

Mental illness should not be subjected to shaming silence.  The Shema, the prayer of Judaism from which Jesus based the greatest commandment (Matt 22:36-37) is not fulfilled unless we are able to love God with all our heart, all our soul, and all our mind.  We cannot do this unless we are healthy in heart, soul, and mind.  Which means that as communities of faith, we need to lift the stigma from mental illness and be faithful to those who are in need of help, showing them through not just speech but also through actions that God loves them and made them in God's image and desires for them to be healthy.  We need to walk along side folks with mental illness throughout their entire journey, even if that means walking with them through the ups and the downs of mental illness for the rest of their lives.  Remember that mental illness is NOT a sin nor is it the result of sins committed. Advocate for them.  Love them. Don't cast them out.  Help them to remove the scarlet "D" or "BP" or "M/D", etc. that society has placed on them and point to the sign that God placed on their foreheads when they were called and claimed in the waters of baptism.    

I pray for the day that folks in need of help with their mental health will no longer live with any stigma that can be attached with mental illness.  I pray for the day that it is no longer treated with silence, but rather with healing speech.