Frozen in fear

Easter 2

April 27, 2014

John 20:19-31

When it was evening on that day, the day of her coronation, the doors of the palace Elsa had created from ice out in the wilderness were lock for fear of…well everyone.  Now they all knew her secret…they all knew that she had the ability to create ice and snow.  And in her attempts to run away and protect everyone from her powers, powers that she had be trained to hide, she wound up inadvertently leaving her kingdom in a perpetual state of winter.  Resisting the pleas of even her sister, Elsa believes that there is no way for her to reverse the frozen state she has caused to come upon their kingdom.  So she continues to isolate herself in the ice palace, haunted by the fear that her powers are becoming increasingly dangerous. 

It was evening of the day of the Resurrection. 
The disciples had come together in a house in Jerusalem. 
All the doors were locked. 
They had gone into hiding.
That morning, they had received two visits from Mary Magdalene. The first visit had come very early in the morning. 
She was frantic. 
The tomb that they had lain Jesus’ body in was empty except for the cloths they wrapped the body in…and the body was no where to be found. Peter and the disciple whom Jesus loved went to investigate and confirmed that the body was gone…and promptly took off running. The second visit they received from Mary was to inform the disciples that she had seen the risen Jesus. Indeed he had risen from the dead, just as he said that he would. And now the disciples hid. 
They hid for fear of the Jews…and a very rational fear it was. To have been associated with Jesus at that time was a very dangerous thing. To have been exposed would have meant that they risked dying at the hands of the very people who had put their beloved teacher to death. But hadn’t they, in a way, been a part of Jesus being put to death? I mean, they fled as soon as he was arrested, Peter denied him three times that evening and only the disciple whom Jesus loved was brave enough to stand with Jesus’ mother by the cross…the rest had abandoned him. 
And now their beloved teacher, their dear friend, their leader was dead and his body missing. And it would only be a matter of time before the Jews would come after them, too. So the disciples hid in fear.
…well, all except for one…
His name was Thomas. 
Though he was never recorded as having said anything in the other three gospels, according to John, Thomas was the most inquisitive of the twelve. He was also the most vocally supportive of Jesus’ mission. A few weeks back we heard that when Lazarus died, while Peter and the others were trying to dissuade Jesus from going to Judea and walking towards his death, Thomas proclaimed “let us also go so that we may die with him!” And, in a couple weeks, when we hear Jesus say his farewell to the disciples, it is Thomas who inquires, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, how can we know the way?” 
However, it seems that somewhere between that first Easter and now, the church has handed him the nick-name “Doubting” Thomas. And in his defense, Thomas, like Mary Magdalene, had picked up quite an undeserved bad rap. Yes…he was very blunt when he told his fellow disciples that unless he saw the marks on Jesus’ hands and touched the wounds on his hands and side he would not believe. But then again, the disciples didn’t believe Mary’s word that she had seen Jesus. John tells us that they did not rejoice until Jesus showed them his hands and feet and the wounds that they carried. And it seems as if it wasn’t until they were shown his hands and side that they actually recognized Jesus. So what’s the big deal about Thomas’ exclamation of disbelief? At least he was honest about it.
Thomas has definitely attained an undeserved bad rap. All he wanted a concrete witness to the resurrection of Jesus. He wanted what the other disciples got, a chance to see the nail marks in the hands and feet of Jesus. He wanted to see the gash in his side. He wanted a real and tangible encounter with the risen Lord. Wouldn’t you want to be a part of that moment? And where was Thomas when the others were hiding in that house with all the doors locked out of fear? Could he have been a believer in what Mary Magdalene had told the disciples? Is it possible that while the other ten were hiding out avoiding the Jews that Thomas was out looking for Jesus…searching him out so that he could see him alive for himself?? I have a theory that this is the case. My theory is that Thomas, the one who declared that the disciples should go with Jesus even if it meant going to their deaths with him, actually did believe Mary Magdalene and was out looking for Jesus because he was not afraid like the other ten disciples were because unlike the ten, Thomas was not afraid to die with Jesus for the sake of the Gospel. 
Unlike the other ten, Thomas did not let fear keep him hidden in a locked room. 

And I wonder if that is why Jesus appeared the first time when Thomas wasn’t there.  Thomas got something that they didn’t, that part of being a disciple of Christ means not letting fear get in the way of the Gospel. 

One thing that people often say is that the opposite of love is hate…but that’s really not the case.  The opposite of love is fear.  And I’m not talking about fear as in the notion of having respect for, like Luther mentioned in his explanations to the ten commandments, I’m talking about a fear that isolates us and prevents us from being able to function. 

There are a lot of things that fear keeps us from being able to do, it keeps us from taking steps down new paths, it keeps us from loving others. It keeps us from accepting love from others.

 It keeps on building walls around us that we insulate and lock with steel doors and barred windows.

Fear isolates us and keeps us from seeing the good out in the world.  Fear isolates us and keeps us from going out and doing good in the world.

As Americans, there are many things that we have decided won’t keep us captive to fear.  Thousands still ran the Boston marathon last week after the bombing a year ago, including many who ran it last year. We still travel on planes every day and go up to observation decks in sky scrapers. 

But many times we don’t speak out when we hear or see injustice because we are afraid of what people will think of us.  Sometimes we choose to stand silent because it’s the easier thing to do even though hunger and drugs wreak havoc on our communities.  Sometimes we choose to not witness to our faith and to the Gospel because we don’t want to be lumped in with folks who have given the word Christian a bad rap.  

And in the same way that Elsa from the film, Frozen, let fear overcome her, which caused her power to create ice and snow to get out of control and sent her running to isolate herself, the ten disciples let themselves become so frozen in fear that they were going to be the next to be killed that they isolated themselves instead of going out and spreading the word that Christ had risen. 

The same thing can happen to us, in the midst of all the bad things that happen in this world, it can be easy to just clam up and want to hide within walls secured by locked doors. 

But that’s not what Jesus wants, he wants us to have peace, peace that only he can give.  And the locked doors that we try to put in his way are not going to keep Jesus from barging in and sharing that peace with us.   

Christ is Risen! - A sermon for Easter Sunday

Easter Sunday

April 20, 2014

Matthew 28:1-10

If you have ever seen the movie, Finding Nemo, you know that there are a couple of scenes in the movie where Nemo’s dad, Marlin, attempts to tell a joke because, you know, clown fish are supposed to be funny.  But in attempting to tell the joke, Marlin gets so caught up explaining things away…like that mollusks and sea cucumbers can’t really talk, but for the sake of the joke they can…that things stop being funny pretty quickly. 

That’s part of the danger with this Easter text from Matthew.  We get so caught up in trying to explain away the angel and the earthquake and the Mary’s being scared, as if we are trying to sell something or become someone’s best friend using the text…that we end up at the end of all of it missing the point of it all. 

The other end of the spectrum, also in the danger zone, is saying “Christ is risen, Alleluia!...Amen” and then sitting down.  I’ve heard about preachers doing it and, sure, it keeps the preacher from getting out of the way of the text and letting the writer of the Gospel do all the work…but it usually doesn’t go over so well.

Of the two, though, it would almost be better to go with “Christ is Risen, Alleluia! Amen” and just be done with it.  I say it’s better to completely get out of the way and let the Gospel writer do all of the work than for us to get in the way of Matthew’s proclamation.

Now, I’m an explainer.  I like to dig deep into a text, figure out what a Gospel writer was trying to tell us by exploring the historical context and trying to translate how that relates to us today. And I like to take people along with me on it.  There are some really amazing things we can learn about God and about the history of God’s people by looking into historical context and literary form, and all of the specifics. 

But to do so today really betrays Matthew’s purpose in his telling of the resurrection of Christ.  Matthew presents us a simple telling of Christ’s resurrection.  The women come to the tomb on the first day of the week, they experience an earthquake, hear from an angel, meet Jesus, and are given instructions on what to do next.  That’s it. 

It’s not frilly, there are no Easter lilies and special music and pancake breakfasts and beautiful Easter dresses with white patent leather shoes. 

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I love the pageantry of Easter Sunday…the special music, the pancake breakfasts, the beautiful Easter dresses with white patent leather shoes, and the flowers are great if I take some allergy medicine.  But they just don’t fit into Matthew’s telling of the resurrection.

Matthew’s resurrection story would have a literally earth shaking experience, a muscle clad angel, an empty tomb, Jesus.  If you showed up late, you might miss it.

But I think that is what makes Matthew’s telling of the resurrection so powerful.  

The angel is very matter a fact in his message to the women. 

“Do not be afraid; I know that you are looking for Jesus who was crucified. ⁶He is not here; for he has been raised, as he said.”

And here is the one thing that I do want to explain. 

Matthew makes it clear to us that he wants us to remember that the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus was not just some random occurrence.  He tried to bring this message to the disciples three times through the Gospel of Matthew…but they weren’t having it.  And now that death hasn’t had the last word, the angel can throw a little bit of a “Jesus told you so,” in there.  Why? Because like the disciples and the Mary’s at the tomb on that first Easter, we are so quick to look for death instead of life promised for us through the witness of the scriptures. 

It’s not surprising, because life deals us some pretty disastrous situations that we have to deal with. 

But he was just little kid watching marathon runners cross the finish line.

They were supposed to be on a safe, fun, class trip on that Ferry

But she never smoked a day in her life, what do you mean she has lung cancer?

The baby is due in a week…why isn’t he kicking?

She died of measles? I thought that wasn’t around anymore

All it takes is a weeks’ worth of news…heck, it really only takes an hour, to see all the death and tragedy and horror that surround us.   And the reality of our sinful reality is that the fact that we are Christians or people of faith in general is not going to protect us from all the bad things that happen in this world. 

And it is because of this that we often go looking for death when we have been promised life. 

But if there is one thing you take with you today, I want it to be this (I hope you take more, but you know). The Gospel is God’s good news for our bad situation.

And it is for those bad situations that God put on flesh and came into our world in the person of Jesus Christ, wept, was hungry, was thirsty, and died.  So that death didn’t and doesn’t and will never have the last word, life does.  God does.

So what do we do now?

We have two options.  We go back to life as “normal” at the end of our Lenten and Easter journey. 

Or, we step feet first into the earth quaking, life changing experience of being in the presence of the Risen Christ and we allow ourselves to be transformed and sent out into the world to spread the word that Christ is Risen just as he said. He is not here.

He is at loose in the world.

We have heeded the command to come and see…now it’s time to heed to command to go quickly and tell.  No need to linger and sell. Just tell. Like the angel did.

But, stop off and have a meal first…it will strengthen you for the journey. 

Christ is Risen - sermon for the Easter Vigil

Easter Vigil

April 19, 2014

Do you ever have moments where you are reading scripture and suddenly you begin to wish that you could have been there?

Like at the creation…to be standing there when God said “let there be light”…and Mike and Vern looked at each other in amazement.

Or at the crossing of the Red Sea…The girls from Confirmation making up part of the crowd that walked through the sea on dry land only to watch as the Egyptians were drowned.

Could you imagine, Bev, being able to shout those words with Isaiah, inviting people to come and to eat of their fill of water and wine and bread?

Or to be the boys from confirmation standing with the crew members on the boat with Jonah, scared as the waves from the storm crashed into the boat and then to watch as Jonah was swallowed whole by a large fish?

Or to stand at the door of the fiery furnace and count not 3 men in there, but 4…all untouched by the fire that would instantly kill anyone who went near it?

What if you had walked along with Jesus and his disciples through the last couple days?

Through the last supper and a foot washing.

Through a betrayal in a garden and a trial.

Through shouts of Crucify and the release of a murderer.

Through a crucifixion and a death.

Sometimes I think to be physically present for stories in scripture would be exciting and awe-some.  This is one of the instances, though, where I think it would be confusing and terrifying and upsetting to have been there. But more than all that, I think it would be exhausting.

I mean, think about it, for those of you who have been here for Maundy Thursday and Good Friday and now tonight, it’s been a roller coaster of emotions.  We were absolved of sins and washed each other’s feet before partaking in a holy meal.  We heard about Jesus’ passion and death and pondered our roll in the crucifixion.  And tonight, on this most holy of nights, we celebrate Christ’s Passover from death to life.

A roller coaster indeed.

So what would it be like to stand next to Mary Magdalene in that time of the morning when the darkness permeates everything, staring at a stone that wasn’t where it was when you last saw it? After everything else that you have been through this weekend, the one task you would like to complete as a ritual of saying goodbye to someone you love, even that doesn’t turn out the way that you plan.  Because the one whom you love that was placed in that tomb on Friday isn’t there now. 

Now what do we do?  Simon Peter and the beloved disciple ran.  Mary Magdalene just stood there. Stunned.  That was all she could take.  And so she just stood there and wept. She let the darkness surround her as she stood there, let it envelope her and the pain she was feeling. 

But as she wept, she must have missed the first glimpses of sunlight starting to come up over the horizon.  The darkness being chased away, a new day coming to life. 

I imagine that when the one whom Mary thought was the gardener approached her, she wiped her eyes and made like everything was ok.  But those telltale red eyes of a person who has been weeping would have given her away.

“Just tell me where you’ve put him so we can take care of his body.”

And in the middle of the darkness that had been surrounding the last couple days, day broke for Mary when she heard a word most familiar to her…her own name. 

Jesus is risen

Jesus is alive

We weren’t there

We don’t know

Here’s what we do know

Christ is alive

Christ calls us by name and makes us his own in baptism

Christ has given us gifts of bread and wine and promised to be present in those gifts so that we may be fed and refreshed.

Christ is present with us in the darkness, dispelling in and bringing us light

Christ meets us not just in water, bread, and wine, but in dirt and manure, in tears and laughter, in the sprouting plants and the budding trees

And like Mary, we cannot hold on to Christ. We cannot keep him to ourselves.  When we truly meet Jesus, our lives are changed and our way of looking at the world is changed.  The blues are brighter, the greens are greener, the world filled with light and life. 

And when we see the risen Christ in the midst of dirt and manure, in tears and in laughter, in falling leaves and spouting plants, in bread and water and wine, and our lives our changed, that is something she shouldn’t keep to ourselves.  It’s something to share! It’s something to celebrate.

Christ is risen! 

Do you know what I have done to you?

April 17, 2014

Maundy Thursday

John 13:1-17, 31b-35

When the woman with the alabaster jar did it, it was a scandal.  A woman touching the feet of a man that she was unmarried to.   Especially considering that the woman was a sinner.  And when Mary, the sister of Martha and Lazarus did it, it was a scandal then, too.  But this time it was because she used an ointment made of nard, a very costly perfume, one that she would have saved up for over a year to be able to purchase.  According to Judas, that ointment should have been sold and the proceeds given to the poor.  And besides, in both cases, women were touching the feet of a man that neither one was married to.  That just wasn’t done.  

Washing feet was a basic form of hospitality in Jesus’ time.  It was just something you did for your guests.  But it was the job of a servant of the same gender as the person whose feet were being washed…not something a strange woman, or even a friend who just happened to be a woman, did. 

But then Jesus does it.  Jesus gets up in the middle of dinner and washes the disciple’s feet.  When Jesus does it, we usually wind up talking about how foot washing is a physical manifestation of what it means to love one another as Jesus loved us. A man who was master and teacher, kneeling at the feet of his friends and taking on the role of a servant to provide hospitality for his students.

But what if you are someone that doesn’t like feet?  What if you are a person who doesn’t like touching other people’s feet or having your feet touched?  Then how does it sound when you are told that washing feet or allowing someone to wash your feet is a manifestation of love?  For the person with a foot issue, it sounds kind of bizarre.  Almost off putting, really.

And then there are those of us who are self-conscious about our feet.  What if they smell?  What if someone notices the scar or the tattoo on there?  What if my toenails are discolored?  Oh dear, I cannot remember the last time I got a pedicure that the nail polish from that trip is still there.  What if they look at me funny because I lost a toe in a work accident? 

There are lots of reasons that we can be self-conscious about our feet.  They are our vulnerable spot.  A problem with your feet can cause problems elsewhere in your body.  And we like to hide our feet with footwear, sometimes to protect them, other times to keep others from seeing the imperfections.  But they are at their best when they are exposed. 

When babies learn to walk, they do best on bare feet.  The best runners run barefoot in order to maintain the natural gate that our hunter gatherer ancestors had. 

Feet were made, not to be covered, but to be exposed, to transport us where we need to go, to become calloused and scarred and hardened.  They were meant to get dirty and they carry us on the journey of life.

But in the days of Steve maddens and red wing boots, jimmy choos and converse, exposed feet often make us feel vulnerable, exposed, uncomfortable.  

And we don’t like to be vulnerable and exposed. 

It’s just not done, especially if you are a man in modern day America where we look to the Avengers and the likes of Chuck Norris and Sylvester Stallone as proper measures of masculinity. 

Vulnerable and exposed are bad words in this day in age.

But if we are completely honest, whether we like it or not, when we stand before our Lord and Savior in these holiest of days, no matter how hard we try and mask it, we can’t help but be vulnerable and exposed, our sin laid bare, in front of the one whom we call Messiah. 

The first time I participated in individual absolution on Maundy Thursday was in Seminary.  And the person who proclaimed absolution to me was my favorite professor.  A man who I respect and admire greatly.  And to feel his hands on my head and to hear him say to me that my sins were forgiven, I felt as if I had tripped and fallen and scrapped my knee and my grandfather had come to my side and told me that it was ok.  The scrape would heal. 

And as Jesus kneels before the disciples, half naked, washing their feet, hardened, calloused, dirty, scarred, imperfect, we stand as witnesses to a man and his friends engaged in one of the most intimate moments that scripture opens up to us. 

An act of washing, of forgiveness, and of humility, performed on twenty four feet.  Even on the feet of the one who would deny him…even on the feet of the ones who would desert him…even on the feet of the one who would betray him.

What a moment that must have been.  To know that it was the Messiah kneeling before you, dressed like a slave, washing and drying your feet.  Seeing the dirt and the callouses and the bunions, and the scars, the imperfections exposed for everyone else to see…And knowing that the person with your feet in his hands would take the imperfections that are not visible on the rest of your body but present none the less, with him when he died.

An intimate moment. 

It’s the moment in which a religious leader breaks tradition and washes and kisses the feet of a female inmate whose faith is not his own.

It’s the moment in which a person takes the maimed body of a stranger into his arms and carries him to safety after a bomb goes off.

It’s the moment in which a child shaves the face of a father who is ailing.

It’s the moment in which a daughter in law bathes the mother in law who no longer remembers her name. 

It’s the moment in which a four year old washes the feet of her one year old brother in front of an entire congregation, whispering “It’s ok, Brooks, mommy’s got you….I’m almost done” when he gets fussy.

 

Do you know what I have done to you? Jesus asked. 

Do you know what I am going to do for you? Jesus asked (This part I made up)

I am going to lay down my life for you.  I am going to take all your imperfections and your sins and I am going to take them with me. 

And I am going to leave you something to remember this.

Some bread and some wine.  My very self, present in these elements.  They are for you.  Take them, eat them, drink them. Remember me and the love I have for you.  And love one another with the love that I have for you.   

Lazarus and Thomas

April 6, 2014

Lent 5a

John 11:1-45

Four days.

Four days they waited.

He didn’t show up.

He was supposed to have been a beloved friend.

Where was he?

What was taking him so long?

Why wasn’t Jesus there for them when Lazarus needed him?

You cannot go back into Judea, Jesus, they said

They have already tried to stone you once.

If you go back, they will try to do it again.

And this time, they might be successful.

Don’t go.

You just said that Lazarus is just sleeping, he’s fine.

You don’t get it.

My hour has not yet come.

We can go to Judea without incident.

Lazarus needs me now.

You need to see what I am about to do.

When you see it, you will believe.

And maybe you will finally get it.

Let us also go, that we may die with him.

Is anyone else startled by this random comment by Thomas? It just seems to be from out of nowhere.  To be honest, this is not unusual for Thomas, he tends to interject comments at bizarre times.  This time, though, it’s more noticeable. As if Thomas wasn’t really listening…or maybe he was, he just didn’t get it. Time and time again, however, we are so quick to glance over this exclamation to focus on the main plot of the story.  And the main plot is important.  Without the story of the raising of Lazarus, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.  But this secondary plot, this conversation between Jesus and the disciples, is also important.  Once again we see Jesus inner circle so caught up in other things that they miss the point. 

Up to this point Jesus has delayed his venture back into Judea, but now it is time to go.  Mary and Martha need him.  Lazarus, though now dead, still needs him.  And it’s not totally inappropriate that they would be skittish about going back into Judea.  As they said, the Jews had just tried to stone him in Judea, why would he want to go back and risk that happening again? As many times as Jesus had told they that he was going to die, the reality of it seemed to be something that they didn’t want to deal with yet…if at all.  No one wants to see a mentor die. 

But Thomas, who was called the twin, who has been saddled with a bad rep as being the one who doubts, the one who lack faith…when Jesus tells the disciples that it is time to go back to Judea, to Bethany, to Lazarus…it is Thomas who steps up and says “let us also go, that we may die with him.” And to me that is not a lack of faith, but a boldness of faith that puts aside pride and self-preservation and just goes with the moment, whether he gets it or he misses the point.  And, yeah, he is a little off the mark...but he also shows a level of understanding of Jesus’ mission that no one else is willing to voice. 

Jesus needed to go back to Judea.  He needed to go to Bethany for Mary and Martha.  He needed to go back for Lazarus.  He needed to go back for those who had come to mourn for Lazarus.  He needed to go and weep for the one whom he loved. 

Jesus had lost a beloved friend, his best friend from how John describes Lazarus.  There was a funeral to attend and Jesus wanted to be there.  He wanted to be with others who were grieving so that he could grieve, too. 

They had been waiting for Jesus for four days.  According to Jewish custom at that time, the fourth day after death was considered to be the day in which the soul left the body.  There was no doubt that Lazarus couldn’t be revived at this point.  At least from a human perspective.  Jesus has another plan.  A plan that would put the pause button on death and show the glory of God to those who watched as the stone was rolled away from the tomb and out came Lazarus, a corpse come back to life. 

From there they would go to Jerusalem, they would gather at a table for a meal, feet would be washed, a garden would prayed in, an arrest would be made, and another death would take place.  Only this time, when the stone was rolled away it would not be a pause button pushed on death, but a defeat of death itself forever. 

And Thomas would ask to know how they would know how to follow Jesus where he was going.  And Thomas would demand to see the hands and feet of a resurrected Christ. 

And we speak of Thomas as one lacking faith, instead of one possessing the honest boldness of someone with great faith and courage.  When he didn’t get it, he asked.  When he wanted a piece of what everyone else got, he demanded.  But when no one else would speak up, Thomas did. And eventually, Thomas would make good on his declaration…he died for the sake of Christ and his gospel. 

Thomas should be lifted up as a model disciple. 

He lived and thrived within the mysteries of faith. 

He owned it when he didn’t get it

He wasn’t afraid to ask the questions…eve n if he looked silly while doing it.

And he was so devoted to Jesus and his mission that he was not going to let something like a simple stoning get in the way of Jesus going to be with his friends in their time of need. 

And it should be the same way for us

We shouldn’t be afraid to not get it

We should own our doubts

We should have the boldness and the courage to step up and ask the questions, even if we look silly when we ask the wrong question

We should have the faith of Thomas and be so devoted to Jesus and his mission that we won’t let anything get in the way of getting Jesus to people who need it.

But when we do get in the way

When we don’t own our doubts

When we are afraid to not get it

Know this

With or without our help God is active in the world

With or without our help God is going to keep bringing life in the midst of death

With or without our help, God is going to keep bringing light in the midst of the darkness

With or without our getting it right or asking the right questions or understanding everything, God is at work here and there, now and later and to eternity.

Serving God through Self Care

"The ordained minister needs to be an example of self-care, as well as caring for others. The
significant demands of time and effort within the office of ordained ministry can lead one to
neglect proper nutrition, exercise, and time for recreation. The congregation, or whatever agency
or institution the ordained minister serves, should respect the need for the ordained minister to
have adequate time for self-care. Caring for self also includes seeking counseling and/or medical
care when there is evidence of physical or mental illness, substance abuse, eating disorders, or
relational problems." Vision and Expectations Ordained Ministers in the Evangelical Lutheran church in America, Page 9.

"Remember, you serve God.  Not the church." Multiple colleagues have told me this in the last 6 years.  The first time I heard it, it was on the heels of the death of Bishop John Schreiber, who suffered a heart attack and died suddenly.  The last time I heard this was from a colleague who mentioned this to me as I was preparing to leave my first call in Kansas to take the call at St. John in Dundee, MI.

I didn't get it until a combination of factors left me hiding my bathroom one morning, hands shaking out of fear, as I called the psychiatry intake line at the University of Michigan.  I was ashamed that in the midst of celebrating my child's sixth month birthday and moving to a new place, much closer to family, I couldn't keep depression away.  I wrote about this in a post a couple months ago so there's really no need to rehash it.

I am happy to report that I am doing much better now.  I am doing so well, in fact, that when I saw my psychiatrist in January, she did not recognize me because of the level of improvement in my condition.

What does this have to do with serving God and not the church? I have learned in the last couple months that serving God and being attentive to God's call is what allows me to serve the church.  I cannot serve my family without serving God first and I cannot serve the church without serving God first.  And to do that well, I need to be better at taking care of myself.

If the church is going to grow healthy leaders, congregations and church leadership need to pay more attention to what is included in the paragraph I quoted from Vision and Expectations.  We have gotten so caught up on the sex thing and who is marrying who, all the while bishops are dying of heart attacks and falling prey to addiction, pastors are having psychological breakdowns as well as breakdowns in their general health.

We need to be held more accountable for our physical and mental health if we are going to do our best at being life partners, parents, friends, pastors, servants of God.

I am holding myself accountable by reporting my weight to my mother each week.  I am also going to hold myself accountable by reporting my activity to you.  I have worked really hard to get my mental health in order and I have made awesome progress.  I dance around the kitchen again.  It is time to get my physical health in as good of shape.

Current weight (as of this morning): 177.2 lbs
Goal weight: 140 lbs
Vitamins: check!
Fruits and Veggies: coming out of my ears
Exercise: growth area